Fun With Consultants

Corporate consultants are fun. No really, it can be very entertaining, to watch a man try to weasel his way into your brain and ferret out bits of information you wouldn't tell your boss, trusted coworkers or even your dog. Heh, three animal references in one sentence.

But he was creative, he really tried. The gentleman who invaded our company for a few days spent maybe fifteen minutes with me. He schmoozed, calling me brave for shaving my head, and told me I don't talk like someone who hasn't finished high school. Then a personal anecdote to establish rapport; "My father quit school in the 4th grade. I was the only one of my family to go to college."

And then he saw the jumping off point to cut to the chase. "What do you think can be done to improve your company?"

Huh?

Sure, I walk around hiding company restructuring plans in my back pocket, waiting for the right outsider to hear my wisdom. I guess I was expecting a more user-friendly approach. How about these questions:

• Which of your co-workers would you like to tar and feather?


• How many Dilbert comics have you thought were about your company?


• Which of your customers could we cast in the sequel to Clueless?


• How could we better extract more money for less product?


• Did you know the glow at the end of the tunnel is really red ink?


• Are you an old fart or will you agree mindlessly to everything I suggest?

Okay, I guess maybe his approach was more productive. But mine would have been way more fun.

And I'm pretty sure there's no latent belligerence in my fictional questions. Pretty sure.

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